Sad Day

Today was the final deadline for Harvard.  It also was the day I heard from my professor who hadn't sent the letter.  Turns out she has become quite ill and can't write the letter for me.  She apologized profusely, and I accept that, but I am so disappointed.

I have someone else who is happily jumping in, but I won't have any academic references at all.  Harvard has been pretty clear my shot is now dismal.  I am sure it is not much better at Yale, especially since the number of weeks that have passed since their deadline, but I have an email out to them just to check in about my next best step.

What a sad, sad day.

Thanks to Someone at Grad Cafe for Posting This

What do deadlines mean to students and professors?  A cartoon.

Half Done

Harvard application submitted this morning!!

That leaves me just about half done, though I still need to figure out that third letter of reference thing and also get my financial aid application into Yale.

Other than that, just two more applications to go.  Wow!  I've come a looooong way!

And updated mid-day to say YIPEE!  My transcripts are finally showing as a "complete" at Yale.  Looks like my old name has successfully been attached to my new name.  One last thing for me to worry about.

Progress!

Ah, progress. Feels good. I think my Harvard application is as good as it is going to get. I was hoping to submit today but am a little delayed. However, I am confident I can submit before business hours tomorrow.
I just looked over my next couple of applications, and the one I have to do by hand looks simple enough that I can complete and mail in everything tomorrow except the personal statement portion. This will be the longest statement (MINIMUM 6 pages, double-spaced!!), and I never thought I'd say it, but I have no idea what I am going to do with all that space. Still, I think I can use my Harvard and Yale essays as a starting point, so that is good news.

The hardest application to finish (ANTS) is not at all the one I expected to be difficult. What makes it difficult is that I have to write a totally separate couple of papers because they ask very different questions for the statement of purpose and essay. I took my Yale statement of purpose and alter a portion of it to use as part of my essay, but I realized after doing that I had misunderstood the original question and will need to completely re-do it. Still, this school claims to process most applications in 3-4 weeks, so if I get it in by mid-February, I am actually going to be okay. My goal is to have it done by Monday or Tuesday (early Feb), as I want to be top of their list for financial aid, which is also on a rolling basis. But I am not going to beat myself up over it.
All this being said, however, I am really freaked out about this recommender who is MIA. I sent her an email a day or two ago that clearly but politely expressed that I was anxious and wanted to make sure she will be able to make the Harvard deadline. I haven't heard a thing, and I am starting to really, really, really panic. The good news is that my fourth letter writer for the school that required four letters I am sure would be willing to send it also to the other schools as a third letter. The other good news is that I know exactly what she wrote (she's the only one who shared her letter with me) and feel it is a good and very positive letter. The bad news is that it is not an academic reference, and the whole point is that I needed at least one academic reference. I was already short the requirement of two. The other bad news is that I will need a new fourth letter for the other school, which will have only three unless the prof pulls through...but the good news about that is that I have someone in mind. Please join me in praying for a strong, positive letter still to come through from the prof.

Letter of Reference: Still Missing

I am back in the saddle, preparing to submit my HDS application as early as tomorrow.  At this time I think I can say that the most painful part of the application experience, no matter how bad the GRE was, is waiting on the letter of reference that I fear may not be submitted.

This is the sole professor I could locate.  I was a good student, and I feel I had a good relationship with her.  She seemed very positive about my application and said she could write me a strong letter.   I was appreciative, and let her know that.

But the YDS deadline has come and gone and I am still waiting on the submission of her letter.  And the HDS extended deadline is Monday.  I've contacted the prof a number of times by email before and after the deadline.  The most recent time she wrote to say she thought she submitted her letter to YDS.  I followed up to tell her they didn't have it, and I haven't heard from her since. 

I have a backup, but it wouldn't be an academic reference...which I badly need.

I am feeling so sad.

The "Incompletes"

I am really slacking on the rest of my applications now that one is done.  But rest assurred I am not slacking in life.  I've been slammed at work with a bazillion things.  Still, I've got to get serious, especially since I am afraid everyday that ticks by I am losing more and more of a chance at HDS.

Anyway, checking on my YDS application, it looks like none of my transcripts have been "received."  My best guess is that my old name just hasn't been matched to my new name.  And I know it takes a while for the online system to get updated, but grrr, it freaks me out that it shows up as incomplete.

And then there is still that third letter of reference.  I emailed my recommender to check on the situation.  I told her to please let me know if she couldn't do the letters for me.  She emailed me back Tuesday and said she thought she had done it/them(?).  I responded soon after to explain that the school(s) definitely didn't have it because that part of the electronic system is updated automatically.  I still haven't heard back.  How long should I wait before pestering her with another email?  I feel like I am being a 100% nuisance, but then I am really depending on her and the deadlines have started to come and go.

Regrets

It's worse than "buyer's regret."

I have this anxious, sinking feeling I can't shake.

1.  Late last night I got an email from a YDS student my cousin knows, saying he would be happy to read my essay and make suggestions.  Unfortunately, I'd already hit "submit." 

2.  I woke up in the middle of the night because I remembered something I was supposed to edit on my YDS essay that I forgot to edit.  It's pretty glaring.  Eeeks!

3.  I also had all kinds of regrets about my approach.  "Should I have ______ instead?"  Etc. etc.

4.  I've been worrying about not having spent more time at the school, visiting classes and meeting professors.

5.  Worst of all, my recommender who promised to get my letter in yesterday never did.  I really need her recommendation, as the only professor on my list.  It looks like YDS can still take her letter, but I am very nervous she won't pull through or that she won't pull through in time for her letter to be considered in my application evaluation.

I need to say the serenity prayer and try to just trust that I will end up where I need to be.  As I finished up the YDS application, I felt myself fall more and more "in love" with the school, and now I am a little overly attached to the idea of going there. 

I have to accept that I don't get to control where I end up.