Thanks to Someone at Grad Cafe for Posting This

What do deadlines mean to students and professors?  A cartoon.

Half Done

Harvard application submitted this morning!!

That leaves me just about half done, though I still need to figure out that third letter of reference thing and also get my financial aid application into Yale.

Other than that, just two more applications to go.  Wow!  I've come a looooong way!

And updated mid-day to say YIPEE!  My transcripts are finally showing as a "complete" at Yale.  Looks like my old name has successfully been attached to my new name.  One last thing for me to worry about.

Progress!

Ah, progress. Feels good. I think my Harvard application is as good as it is going to get. I was hoping to submit today but am a little delayed. However, I am confident I can submit before business hours tomorrow.
I just looked over my next couple of applications, and the one I have to do by hand looks simple enough that I can complete and mail in everything tomorrow except the personal statement portion. This will be the longest statement (MINIMUM 6 pages, double-spaced!!), and I never thought I'd say it, but I have no idea what I am going to do with all that space. Still, I think I can use my Harvard and Yale essays as a starting point, so that is good news.

The hardest application to finish (ANTS) is not at all the one I expected to be difficult. What makes it difficult is that I have to write a totally separate couple of papers because they ask very different questions for the statement of purpose and essay. I took my Yale statement of purpose and alter a portion of it to use as part of my essay, but I realized after doing that I had misunderstood the original question and will need to completely re-do it. Still, this school claims to process most applications in 3-4 weeks, so if I get it in by mid-February, I am actually going to be okay. My goal is to have it done by Monday or Tuesday (early Feb), as I want to be top of their list for financial aid, which is also on a rolling basis. But I am not going to beat myself up over it.
All this being said, however, I am really freaked out about this recommender who is MIA. I sent her an email a day or two ago that clearly but politely expressed that I was anxious and wanted to make sure she will be able to make the Harvard deadline. I haven't heard a thing, and I am starting to really, really, really panic. The good news is that my fourth letter writer for the school that required four letters I am sure would be willing to send it also to the other schools as a third letter. The other good news is that I know exactly what she wrote (she's the only one who shared her letter with me) and feel it is a good and very positive letter. The bad news is that it is not an academic reference, and the whole point is that I needed at least one academic reference. I was already short the requirement of two. The other bad news is that I will need a new fourth letter for the other school, which will have only three unless the prof pulls through...but the good news about that is that I have someone in mind. Please join me in praying for a strong, positive letter still to come through from the prof.

Letter of Reference: Still Missing

I am back in the saddle, preparing to submit my HDS application as early as tomorrow.  At this time I think I can say that the most painful part of the application experience, no matter how bad the GRE was, is waiting on the letter of reference that I fear may not be submitted.

This is the sole professor I could locate.  I was a good student, and I feel I had a good relationship with her.  She seemed very positive about my application and said she could write me a strong letter.   I was appreciative, and let her know that.

But the YDS deadline has come and gone and I am still waiting on the submission of her letter.  And the HDS extended deadline is Monday.  I've contacted the prof a number of times by email before and after the deadline.  The most recent time she wrote to say she thought she submitted her letter to YDS.  I followed up to tell her they didn't have it, and I haven't heard from her since. 

I have a backup, but it wouldn't be an academic reference...which I badly need.

I am feeling so sad.

The "Incompletes"

I am really slacking on the rest of my applications now that one is done.  But rest assurred I am not slacking in life.  I've been slammed at work with a bazillion things.  Still, I've got to get serious, especially since I am afraid everyday that ticks by I am losing more and more of a chance at HDS.

Anyway, checking on my YDS application, it looks like none of my transcripts have been "received."  My best guess is that my old name just hasn't been matched to my new name.  And I know it takes a while for the online system to get updated, but grrr, it freaks me out that it shows up as incomplete.

And then there is still that third letter of reference.  I emailed my recommender to check on the situation.  I told her to please let me know if she couldn't do the letters for me.  She emailed me back Tuesday and said she thought she had done it/them(?).  I responded soon after to explain that the school(s) definitely didn't have it because that part of the electronic system is updated automatically.  I still haven't heard back.  How long should I wait before pestering her with another email?  I feel like I am being a 100% nuisance, but then I am really depending on her and the deadlines have started to come and go.

Regrets

It's worse than "buyer's regret."

I have this anxious, sinking feeling I can't shake.

1.  Late last night I got an email from a YDS student my cousin knows, saying he would be happy to read my essay and make suggestions.  Unfortunately, I'd already hit "submit." 

2.  I woke up in the middle of the night because I remembered something I was supposed to edit on my YDS essay that I forgot to edit.  It's pretty glaring.  Eeeks!

3.  I also had all kinds of regrets about my approach.  "Should I have ______ instead?"  Etc. etc.

4.  I've been worrying about not having spent more time at the school, visiting classes and meeting professors.

5.  Worst of all, my recommender who promised to get my letter in yesterday never did.  I really need her recommendation, as the only professor on my list.  It looks like YDS can still take her letter, but I am very nervous she won't pull through or that she won't pull through in time for her letter to be considered in my application evaluation.

I need to say the serenity prayer and try to just trust that I will end up where I need to be.  As I finished up the YDS application, I felt myself fall more and more "in love" with the school, and now I am a little overly attached to the idea of going there. 

I have to accept that I don't get to control where I end up.

Cute Kid Moments

1..  A few days ago when I escaped the house to work in peace on my HDS application and then came home, my son came running to me and said, "Does Harvard like you?!" 
2.  At one point tonight when I doubted my ability to get my application in on time to YDS, my daughter said with some hope in her voice, "So you won't go to Yale?"  "I definitely won't if I don't get this in," I said.  "Then we won't have to move, right?" she asked, brimming.  "K, even if I get in we might not have to move," I reassured her.  "Good," she said, "Then we can get a dog!"

YDS Application Submitted

With some hemming and hawing over whether everything was really, truly ready for submission...and a big dose of last minute lack of confidence in my decision not to talk specifically about my (same-sex) marriage in my personal statement but instead hint about it and hope that they'll know to count me among those who would contribute to the school's diversity, I finally just hit "submit." 

Yikes! 

One down.  Three to go.

Trouble With Comments?

I am turning off moderation temporarily to see if that helps.  It seems people's comments are not showing up.  Hmph!

It's Really Been a Pleasure to Apply to Yale

I am afraid to say it, scared that I'll ginx myself and realize later I've messed up some big component, but truly, it has been a pleasure to apply to Yale. 

Though my essay may not be perfect, my reviewers have said it is good, and I got to have some fun with the topic.  Part of the reason for that is that I was working with a page limit rather than a word count, and believe it or not, even though the actual amount of writing is about the same, the latter is very liberating.

I didn't question as much with Yale every word I wrote about my calling, either.  Yale's language around calling is more like the language through which I tend to understand my calling.  And since I already had a heavily edited statement of purpose, I used that as my launch pad and mostly inserted more "me" back into it. 
Other nice things:

• Yale didn't have a place on their application forms for volunteer work to be listed in chronological order, but only to a maximum of three, which allowed me to leave that on my CV and not worry about which of many I would post in just three lines without it looking like there were big time gaps when there weren't.
• The YDS application website did not cut off words in every text box requiring some information to be entered.  With HDS you have to answer everything in 20 keystrokes or less it seemed.
• YDS admissions didn't give me a hard time about the schools I attended in the past when I met with them a while back (they in fact told me that schools are mostly "well known" or "not well known" regionally and not to worry about how "well known" my schools were), so I relaxed about it.
• YDS specifically recommended at their open house that prospective students don't submit their GRE scores.
• The YDS application website was easy to get to online and didn't have a random "user name."  The HDS user name is a random series of numbers that I have to copy and paste in every time I go to log in, and to get to the HDS application I also had to click a link in the email in which the user name was assigned.
• The YDS deadline is the "priority deadline," so while I want to submit everything tomorrow in order to pay less and also to be make sure I am in line for early consideration (they do say chances of getting in are higher for applicants who meet the priority deadline), I don't feel quite as freaked out about the "what if" question in case my recommender doesn't get my letter in on time.
• Speaking of recommenders, YDS does not require two academic references and instead specifies "academic or professional."  What a relief! 
• YDS is seeking diversity and explicitly asks for folks to highlight their diversity through their personal statements (I didn't in an explicit way, but it is implied I hope).

Updates

A couple updates:

First, the recommender who didn't get the recommendation done by the first HDS deadline has emailed me (in response to an email from me) and said she found out about the extension and was relieved for a little extra time.  She says she'll be able to make this Friday's YDS deadline.  I appreciate her keeping in touch about it all.

Second, I emailed HDS to ask some clarifying questions about the deadline extension.  My first and most important question was whether it makes a difference if I submit now or wait.  Their answer, true to the HDS way, was ambiguous.  It said, "The admissions committee begins the review process from the time we verify that all of your application materials have been received in our office. You will receive e-mail notifications from us when you application goes through our various processes. You will also be able to track the progress of your application via the online tool after you submit it. We will send out admissions decisions in Mid-March."

So I wrote back and said, "Just to be clear, does it make a difference in actual admissions decisions if I send in my application materials now, or if I wait until February 1st?"  And they didn't even bother to reply. 

So my plan is now to focus on my YDS application through Friday and then on Saturday pick my HDS application back up to further refine my essays, with the goal of being ready for submission in a week or less. 


In the meantime, an HDS M. Div. student visited the church I serve yesterday to enter into a discussion about a possible internship next year.  It was great to meet him, and he offerred to be among those who review my HDS writing sample/academic essay.  I was thankful for his offer.  It always helps to have more eyes, and he will be familiar with HDS specific information.

I Don't Know How to Feel Right Now

I just got this email from HDS:



Thank you very much for your interest in Harvard Divinity School (HDS). Our records indicate that you have begun an application to HDS this year. I'm writing to inform you that the Admissions Committee has decided to extend our masters programs application deadline to February 1, 2010.

Over the course of the last few weeks the Office of Admissions has received feedback from a number of our prospective applicants. This feedback has focused primarily on this year's new admissions requirement that all masters programs candidates submit GRE scores. While we made the 2010 admissions requirements available on our website in late summer 2009, we understand that some applicants who have been considering HDS masters programs for a few years were surprised to learn of this requirement as they finalized their applications in the last few weeks. The Admissions Committee has reviewed this feedback in the context of the first year of implementing the GRE requirement, and has decided to offer applicants an extension on the deadline.

If you are scheduled to take the GRE by February 1, 2010, and are able to submit your online application and all other supporting documents by February 1, 2010, the admissions committee will review your application for fall 2010. Remember, HDS does not have a minimum GRE score requirement. Your GRE scores will be considered in the context of the entire application.

Please note that, because the financial aid application is intended to be submitted with the admissions application, the financial aid application deadline has also been extended to February 1, 2010. I hope that the admissions and financial aid deadline extensions will be helpful as you consider your options for graduate study. Thank you very much for your interest in HDS. We look forward to reviewing your application!

Best regards,
Director of Admissions

I really don't know how to feel right now.  When I received this, I was scrambling to finish my essay in order to have it done by the deadline at midnight tonight, and truly, I could use some more time.  From that angle, I am breathing a sigh of relief. 

On the other hand:
1.  This puts me in a bad position in regard to the GRE.  I didn't retake the GRE in part because I didn't feel there was enough time to take it again with any meaningful difference in the scores.  Now I feel like it will look very bad for me not to take it again, given my lower than desired scores.  On the other hand, I have three other applications that have continued to receive the least of my attention, and I really was counting on being able to turn my attention to them starting this week.  I can't really foresee going back and putting a bunch of time into the GRE again so I can retake by February 1st.

2.  I am also in a bad position, left wondering if I should take advantage of this time or submit and move on.  While I could use the time to finish my essay and further refine my statement of purpose, I don't know whether submitting earlier will put me in a greater position of advantage or whether it is more important to get this writing in better shape.  Of course, the decision is mixed in with the need to focus on my application to the other schools.

3.  Will they also now be notifying accepted students later than the usual mid-March date?  If so, and if I get accepted at YDS, I will be in an unfortunate position in comparing financial aid offers.

4.  Finally, while I appreciate that HDS is responsive to feedback, I really wish this had been announced far earlier.  As someone who was prepared to have everything in on time, and who has been very conscientous throughout this process, I admit that I feel resentful that others are being given an extension.  With all my hand-wringing over my GRE score, I comforted myself in part by saying, "Hey, some people decided not to apply altogether because they were going to have to quickly figure out how to fit the GRE in.  At least I took it." 

Ugh.  I wish I could just feel relief, but the truth is I am irritated.

Recommender Started Letter

...according to the electronic application system, my recommender has started the HDS letter, so that is good.  Of course, I've made little to no progress on this essay, and the whole thing needs to be submitted within hours.  Aaaaaaack!

157 Words

I am over my statement of purpose 1,000-word-limit by 157 words.  My second to last cut felt good.  It felt like I was trimming excess and my writing was becoming more clear.  But the last cut just about killed me.  I felt like my voice was being lost.  I felt like important things were being left out.  I felt like my statement was weakening.

I don't think I can cut anymore, and I don't even know if my statement really addresses what it is supposed to address. 

I have lost energy for this, and I have to move on to the edits on my essay anyway so I can get something in tomorrow (the application deadline). 

I don't even know where to begin with my essay.  Nothing feels right.

I want to puke.

Will She Make It?

My last recommendation letter has not been submitted to HDS.  She definitely said she could do it this weekend, so here's to hoping she gets it done tonight.  If she waits until tomorrow I'll be totally freaked.  If she doesn't do it tomorrow, I'll be devestated.

Gasp, Gasp...Pant, Pant

My work is keeping me insanely busy right now, and trying to pull through to the finish line on the school applications, is well, quite the race against the clock.

HDS Statement of Purpose: Am doing another set of edits, thanks to the good editing advice of 3+ reviewers (thanks folks!). I am down to just being 378 306 words over the limit instead of 550+ words over the limit, and the writing is much stronger now. Those last 378 306 words...it is like pulling teeth, however. I don't feel like I can cut much more. I might just submit it as is over the word limit (yikes!). How bad do you think that would be?

HDS Essay: Written, and reviewed by a few reviewers, but I haven't even begun my edits!

HDS General Application: Most of it is done, but there are some significant pieces on which I need to get to work.

HDS Financial Aid Application: I need to make some tough strategical decision about the FASFA, finish that up, and then locate and plug in a few more numbers on the application (oh no...and also mail a copy of my W-2 I think...eeeks!)

I was hoping to submit the HDS stuff early, but it looks like it will be on time at best. The absolute latest deadline for the HDS application, including the financial aid application is Monday. I should submit it on Sunday in case there are any problems with the website (servers do crash when lots of folks rush to use them at once afterall) or other technical issues.

THEN...

YDS Statement of Purpose: Not even begun! I am hoping some of my HDS statement of purpose will smoothly transfer, and this one won't be nearly as painful and time consuming to write (oh pretty, pretty please!).

YDS Essay: I've begun writing, and as usual have written a lot, but have yet to find a focus or really get anything accomplished.

YDS General Application: It's about half done. Maybe.

YDS Financial Aid Application: The good news is that once the FASFA is done, it is done for all schools. Since the HDS deadline is days away, including for the FASFA, I will have that done very soon. (done)

The YDS-specific financial aid application I have not yet started, but the deadline is in late February or early March if memory serves (does it ever?), so I could even wait until after I get the application materials submitted to ANTS and MLTS before coming back to this item.

The YDS deadline is exactly one week away...next Friday the 15th. Which means I should submit at the very, very latest on Thursday. Thank goodness I can put off that financial aid stuff and buckle down on these writing tasks. OMG!

That leaves ANTS and MLTS, of which I have done very little, but I am not even going to think about them until after the 15th. They have rolling admissions, and at this point I will be happy if I get them done by the 25th or 30th.

Hum-De-Dum

....I've been trying for waaaaay too much time tonight (after arriving back from work at nearly midnight) to fix a computer that is having trouble opening documents. I really need to get my HDS essay edited, so this is quite a frustration. Figured I'd kill some time complaining about it here to you while I wait for my latest attempt at a fix to work its magic. Hum-De-Dum.

Thanks for listening!

Hooray!

I heard back from my last recommender (the professor...a key person in all this), and she said no problem about getting my letter submitted to HDS this weekend. Of course, I am sure I'll be nervous anyway up until the minute I see it uploaded, but that's inevitable. I am glad to have heard from her.

Never Made a Slower Charge to the Finish Line

HDS Statement of Purpose: Am doing another set of edits, thanks to the good editing advice of 3+ reviewers (thanks folks!). I am down to just being 378 words over the limit instead of 550+ words over the limit, and the writing is much stronger now. Those last 378 words...it is like pulling teeth, however. I don't feel like I can cut much more. I might just submit it as is (yikes!). How bad do you think that would be?

HDS Essay: Written, and reviewed by a few reviewers, but I haven't even begun my edits!

HDS General Application: Most of it is done, but there are some significant pieces on which I need to get to work.

HDS Financial Aid Application: I need to make some tough strategical decision about the FASFA, finish that up, and then locate and plug in a few more numbers on the application (oh no...and also mail a copy of my W-2 I think...eeeks!)

I was hoping to submit the HDS stuff early, but it looks like it will be on time at best. The absolute latest deadline for the HDS application, including the financial aid application is Monday. I should submit it on Sunday in case there are any problems with the website (servers do crash when lots of folks rush to use them at once afterall) or other technical issues.

THEN...

YDS Statement of Purpose: Not even begun! I am hoping some of my HDS statement of purpose will smoothly transfer, and this one won't be nearly as painful and time consuming to write (oh pretty, pretty please!).

YDS Essay: I've begun writing, and as usual have written a lot, but have yet to find a focus or really get anything accomplished.

YDS General Application: It's about half done. Maybe.

YDS Financial Aid Application: The good news is that once the FASFA is done, it is done for all schools. Since the HDS deadline is days away, including for the FASFA, I will have that done very soon. The YDS specific application I have not yet started, but the deadline is in late February or early March if memory serves (does it ever?), so I could even wait until after I get the application materials submitted to ANTS and MLTS before coming back to this item.

The YDS deadline is exactly one week away...next Friday the 15th. Which means I should submit at the very, very latest on Thursday. Thank goodness I can put off that financial aid stuff and buckle down on these writing tasks. OMG!

That leaves ANTS and MLTS, of which I have done very little, but I am not even going to think about them until after the 15th. They have rolling admissions, and at this point I will be happy if I get them done by the 25th or 30th.

Relief on Letter of Recommendation Front

Alright, breathing just a bit easier right now. One of my recommenders submitted his letter to Harvard. He still has to do the other schools, but yeah!

Another recommender from whom I asked for only one letter to go to the school that required an extra letter (since I needed two academic references for most schools and didn't have them, I chose to focus on folks who have worked with me day-to-day because I thought they'd have the most insight into my academic potential...this recommendor knows me well but not day-t0-day, and she has never supervised me) has mailed it off, and she also sent me a copy and OMG am I honored by the things she said.

I only have one recommender (my academic reference...ack!) currently missing in action. Hopefully I'll hear from her soon that she's got the letter done.

muhney, muhney, muhnay, MUH-NAY!

Because one of the schools to which I am applying requires all financial aid application materials (including the FASFA, using 2008 numbers for 2009 estimates) to be submitted at the same time as the application by January 11th, I am starting to think about money.

I am looking for private scholarship dollars and grant sources. I'll keep a bit of a running tally here of fund sources that may be applicable to me when I run across them, with any deadline info I can find (surprisingly difficult to come by in many cases). Here's just a start:

• http://www.nextstudent.com/directory-of-scholarships/Religion/0034/103548/Religious-Unitarian-John-scholarship.aspx (April)
• http://www.uua.org/leaders/leaderslibrary/ministerialcredentialing/16213.shtml (Varying dates. Seems like most are March or April. It's amazing how much there is to keep track of in this process. Apparently I need to act fast after my acceptance at a school in order to gain "aspirant" status with my association of congregations so that I can be eligible for these funds. This will require me to do some writing, complete some interviews, done a financial planning thing, and more! Yipes!)

The Procrastinator's Friends

Procrastination on my part has 100% of its origin in FEAR. I'm not lazy, but I am still working on my self-esteem. When I am procrastinating, it is a sure sign I am being pushed to grow in a way that is scary to me. It comes out through these vices.

1. Doing research for the necessary papers...beyond the point of it being helpful. Or doing unfocused research while my brain scatters in 101 directions.

2. Worrying and obsessing about things I am not doing for work while I chip away at my applications...or vice versa. (As a working mom I've sometimes said that I feel like I am either failing at my work or failing as a mom and that I can't seem to do both really well. This is one more area in which I feel like I get unbalanced easily.)

3. Watching tv shows online.

4. Gabbing online about areas of life in which I feel more competent.

5. Blogging here (though this also is a helpful way to vent and let off steam in this stressful process).

6. Since my dog died just before Christmas: (A) Feeling a valid and legitimate sadness about my dog and then slipping into a funk or more recently...(B) Taking my sad feelings and giving them a release by going on Petfinder.com or researching dog stuff online so I can dream of a future day with a future dog, or (C) Related to #3 above, watching "The Dog Whisperer" and planning ahead for future dogs. Oh, also (D) trying to find out housing stuff for when I am in school so I can have clues before March whether I can get another dog this year or whether I'll have to wait until I am done with school and then moved/settled somewhere.

7. Combing through the status of my applications to check and double-check and then check again what I still have to do.

8. Taking a break every sentence when I am writing. Eating during every few breaks (not good at all for my weight and health). Refilling drinks. Going out to the car to get stuff I need. Running to work to get materials I could use that are there. Etc.

9. Sleeping.

10. Reading and being critical of things I've written in the past.

11. Reading papers I've finished but am not yet ready to edit, with no intention of actually editing them...more to feel badly about how rough they still sound.

12. Futile efforts to gain control over aspects of the application process that I can't control. Wringing my hands over missed opportunities (interviews that didn't go well, etc.).

Letters of Recommendation Are Distracting Right Now

I just want to say that letters of recommendation are, as the deadlines grow closer, a terrible distraction.

I have three schools that require three letters and one school that requires four. Two of the schools do everything electronically. Two of the schools are still paper-based systems.

One of my recommenders (is it recommenders or recommendors?) was amazing and got his letters done and in for me at all schools very early on in the process. Two of my recommenders haven't started the letters at all yet, according to one school's electronic system.

Right now I should be 100% focused on my writing, but I am finding my mind repeatedly wondering and worrying about these letters. Will they get in on time? The deadlines are mere days away. I am getting really, really nervous.

Then there is the question of how frequently to pester the recommenders. I've tried to space out my "friendly reminders," to one or more months apart. My last reminder was at least a month and a half ago. I've done a good job at avoiding being an annoyance, but as we get down to the wire here, should I remind them a couple more times? Say, once when I get all my application materials submitted (hopefully several days before the deadline) and once the day before the final deadline? Do I start using the phone now, or stick to email since I am confident they are reading their emails?

I just emailed reminders tonight. Which brought up the usual question of whether just to email the reminders with a personal note, from my own email, or whether to use the reminders of the electronic system. Or both...which is what I have done to date.

What a distraction!

If I ever have the honor of being asked to write a letter of recommendation for a prospective student, I hope I will remember to:

1. Say an enthusiastic yes or say a tactful no based on the strength with which I think I can recommend the prospective student.

2. Once I've agreed to write the letter because I think I can write a strong one, reassure the candidate who is surely nervous and uncertain, that it will be strong.

3. Talk with the candidate a bit. Research the school or program a little and reflect on indicators of the candidate's match with the particular program and school to which s/he is applying. Ask for more information to write the strongest possible letter.

4. Communicate with the candidate when I expect to be able to get the letter done. Let the candidate know if this date changes.

5. Have someone proof the letter for me just to be sure that I don't reflect poorly on the candidate through typos and other unintentional errors. Representing someone else is something of an honor, and should be done well.

6. Follow-up once the letters have been sent so the candidate can breathe a sigh of relief and focus on the aspects of the application s/he can control.

7. Probably share the letter with the candidate. If it wasn't going to be a strong one, I wouldn't have written it...so it will have to be something I am willing to share. Since most candidates will check off that they waive the right at the school level to see the letter, it is a nice gesture for them to get a chance to see it.