Saturday, January 16, 2010


It's worse than "buyer's regret."

I have this anxious, sinking feeling I can't shake.

1.  Late last night I got an email from a YDS student my cousin knows, saying he would be happy to read my essay and make suggestions.  Unfortunately, I'd already hit "submit." 

2.  I woke up in the middle of the night because I remembered something I was supposed to edit on my YDS essay that I forgot to edit.  It's pretty glaring.  Eeeks!

3.  I also had all kinds of regrets about my approach.  "Should I have ______ instead?"  Etc. etc.

4.  I've been worrying about not having spent more time at the school, visiting classes and meeting professors.

5.  Worst of all, my recommender who promised to get my letter in yesterday never did.  I really need her recommendation, as the only professor on my list.  It looks like YDS can still take her letter, but I am very nervous she won't pull through or that she won't pull through in time for her letter to be considered in my application evaluation.

I need to say the serenity prayer and try to just trust that I will end up where I need to be.  As I finished up the YDS application, I felt myself fall more and more "in love" with the school, and now I am a little overly attached to the idea of going there. 

I have to accept that I don't get to control where I end up.

1 comment:

  1. Well I can't control anything either! So let's have a party!!!